Saphron Sunshine

When you realize

That moment when you realize that you’ve fallen completely and totally madly in love with the perfect person and can never tell them because they’re dead… 

That moment when you realize that someone has stolen the remainder of your heart and doesn’t even realize it. When they’ve broken you over and over again but you keep crawling back because maybe this time will be different. When you know you’ve got insane for someone who will never care for you the way you care for them…

That moment when you realize you’ve been dying this whole time and no one notices or even blinks an eye. When your motivation is shot and your sleep habits a busted and you’ve given up on your dreams. When you can’t breathe at night because of all of the horrible names you’re calling yourself while gasping in your bed trying to sob as quietly as possible.

That moment when you realize your family is in pain because of how much of a bitch you are because none of the medication works when it should. When you’re so damn fragile that your own parents are too scared to tell you when you’ve done something wrong.

That moment when you realize that you don’t belong anywhere. When you know you can’t stay at home but you can’t live on your own but you can’t live with people because of how your mind was made, because you’re so different that society would chew you up and spit you back out.

That moment when you realize you can’t have children even if you wanted to because their lives would be a living hell with you around.

That moment when you realize you can never tell anyone which of these are true because they can’t change it anyways.

saphronsunshine:

I was watching silver linings playbook and suddenly I started to cry in a happy moment and my mom asked what was wrong and I say “finally they portrayed someone like me, some one with such horrible mental disorders and now I’ve found hope that I can be happy too”

Yea, I’m bi.

You know, I came out of the closet my freshman year of Highschool. I told everyone I was Bi. But it was funny because no one believed me. It was like they shrugged it off because I was so innocent. Because I’d never kissed anyone or talked about the girls I liked. They didn’t bully me but they made me scared to tell my family. What if my family didn’t believe me either? I fell in love with a girl once and never told her. Now I’ll never get that chance all because everyone thought I had said it because it was “cool” and now it’s eating me up inside. I’m Bi and I can’t tell anyone that will believe me. I remember telling one of my closest friends and she every once and a while brings it up saying “remember that time you said you were bi? Yea, that was funny” like it was all a joke. Yea it’s funny cause I was serious. I like guys and girls and I don’t care, the only reason I never say anything is because no one actually asks. I’m waiting for someone to ask so I can finally say “yea, I’m bi” and lift this great weight off my chest.

People called me shallow for not liking someone or considering dating someone I didn’t know. They said I liked the douche’s or the attractive guys because of who I liked at the time but I realize they are more shallow than I for thinking I should lower my standards. In fact I like every kind of guy but I won’t date someone I couldn’t like in that way. I’ve liked nerds, popular kids, jocks, skaters, skinny guys, muscular guys, over weight guys, preps, indie kids, hippies, blacks, whites, Asians, Mexicans, different religions and more. I like people by who they are towards me and their positivity and confidence. I don’t assume someone is one way because of who they hang out with. I am not shallow because I have high standards. I don’t like people just because they are attractive even if they happen to be. I like them based on maturity not age. Call me shallow for this but you, to me, are more shallow for judging who I like based on who they are on the outside or who they hang out with. The only reason I haven’t dated anyone is because I don’t tell people when I like them or I don’t like the people who ask me out. I would rather remain friends and say i dont like them in the same way than ruin a friendship over a lie when I don’t like them that way.

saphronsunshine:

Women always complain about when their significant other forgets to put the toilet seat down but man what I wouldn’t give to walk into my bathroom and find my brother lifted the seat up to pee rather than splashing his piss all over the place I am supposed to put my Butt. So next time you want to complain think about how hard their older sister and mother had it when he wouldn’t lift up the seat.